Homemaking 4 His Glory

Stressing or Blessing?

     I was walking into a store this week with 5 of my children and a woman was walking out with 3 of hers and as I held the door open for her she said God bless you, going in there with all those children~ I am ready to hang mine ~
I wanted to answer I am blessed that is why I have all these children to go in there with...
But I was a bit stunned and she was on the move.
      I have prayed for her and those children daily. Sometimes when we are in a crunch.. trying to g...et out the door last minute or push one more hour on the road... situations that are not normal and are asking a bit more of my children than they may be able to do reasonably.. I will remind them to be a blessing not a stressing. Because what happens in these already stressful times can change the dynamic from us being a team getting through it to us all turning our stress on each other.. or the youngest, slowest, most affected etc.
      When parents are always in a continual state of stress over their children in breaks my heart. We are hurting and we hurt our children. We don't know how so we blame our children. We don't have support so we expect our children to be our support.. etc etc etc. I love my children. And when they stress me.. I always find it is me.. I didn't train them. I didn't manage them well in that situation. I didn't take on my responsibility in that situation.
      My children were immediately like we are glad we are going in the store with you. And I thought those poor children most likely wished they were anywhere else but leaving that store with a mother who would publicly declare she wanted to hang them.
      Giving our children blessings with our mouths, encouragement, approval, love is our job. Publicly it may be even more important that they know when we speak of them specifically to strangers that we are supporting their lives, their beings, their souls and their hearts. I have often thought when people comment negatively on the size of my family that my children have ears. They hear those comments. They hear my answers.
      So, I don't know this woman.. maybe she was having a bad day. I don't know those children.. maybe they were having a bad day. I do know that shopping can be one of the hardest things to do with children. I do know that this mother was trying. So I will pray. Maybe I will cross paths with her again some day. If not at least I can support her and her family in prayer.

Shopping with Children

Shopping with children can be stressful. So we have rules.. and they are reminded of them every time they go in a store.
1. It is your job to stay near me. You need to watch me. I am here to gather groceries, clothes, household needs.
2. One finger touch.. we teach one finger touch as soon as children reach out for things... 10-12 months I'd guess.. Baby Jason is 15 months and has been doing it for awhile now it seems and at least the last 4-6 weeks nearly consistently.
3. If you ask the answer is no. I will offer if I want to buy you something.
Unspoken rules that are just family rules that apply to shopping
4. If you have your own money you can spend it as you please.
5. Under the age of 6 you hold hands with an adult (someone 13 or up) in the parking lot
6. You quickly obey at all times, but especially in public where I am sense or see something before you do.
7. Older kids always keep an eye on younger ones.. I am distracted by the task at hand.
When there are issues and I get stressed.. we do a practice run with Jason at another time.. so he can watch for behavior. We have left a store once (I returned the child to my house and came back to buy the food I had left at customer service) And twice we have done training because it seemed our children needed some reminding of the rules. "Training classes" have been done more for getting in and out of vehicles that for anything else... can you imagine.. anytime we change seats, or sometimes because the season changes we have to train for getting that back row in and out and then the middle row and getting little children in and out and who is responsible to help)
I try not to go to more than 3-5 stores in a row.. if I do we stop for a snack in between. I always tell them the itinerary for shopping day so they have an idea of where we are going. We may stop at swings or run in a field for 5 minutes or so if I know we are going to have a long day. We normally only go shopping 65 or so times a year. I don't like to shop. Having children help with looking for sales tags (Jillian will say is this the store with yellow clearance tags..etc so I know they are watching) or help look for the next item.. cut coupons.. or even bring coupons they have found for snack items helps them to be involved. I do ask if they need anything while we are out. When I tell then the plan they may say oh mom I wanted to get marbles for a project we will be near the dollar store can we stop there.. a young adult may say I wanted to stop at Old Navy they have a sale on t-shirts this week.. and I may add their stops to the list.. or offer them another time that is better for the family schedule.
We are a testimony. Out in public we are definitely a testimony. People comment all the time.. how I talk to my children, how my children obey, how helpful they are, what good siblings to each other they are, etc etc. They also assume certain things.. we are of some religion.. we don't use birth control.. etc etc.. so it is important that we are well behaved and open to conversations. Have an answer ready and able to actually effectively get the task done.