Homemaking 4 His Glory

Self Government

Self government... I was taught this was the first form of government.... we train our children in that thought... we can control you but prefer not to... our task is to teach you to control yourself and it begins at 6-11 months. We train them to stay on the blanket.. to stop crying.. to sit on our laps without scooching down, to not fuss when we pick them up when they are doing something else.. to touch things with one finger. This is not because we are the best parents ever but because those skills allow the whole family freedom... we can take these little ones anywhere. Teaching self government is a continuous task that at every stage allows for freedom. Our society seems to have lost this concept... and it seems is willing to sacrifice the freedom it offers

 

“Self-government is being able to determine the cause and effect in any given situation, and possessing a knowledge of your own behaviors so that you can control them.” (Parenting --A House United by Nicholeen Peck)

     The most basic skills I teach and model are called “The Four Basic Skills.”  They teach children how to follow instructions, accept no answers and criticism, accept consequences, and disagree appropriately. So in action... my husband and I model the behavior we expect (to the best of our ability) I can't go around getting upset... yelling, slamming doors etc if I don't want my children to. We train children for every task and skill and then give the task or skill to them as their responsibility..... knowing it is still our responsibility to see that the habit of the child completing it is ours... so consequences are set up. Consequences are to be accepted... they are agreed to before there is ever an issue.... If... Then... We have an appeal system in place so there is no need to talk back etc.. a child may disagree appropriately or share additional information they think will influence our decision without having to whine or yell. We are each held to morals, values and beliefs in our home, these are established by the Bible. We all have a choice how we will respond... we all know there are consequences. We want to have a strong relationship with God... we want to build strong family ties so... do we yell.. take a deep breathe and answer calmly.... As long as one can govern themselves.... there is no need for correction or discipline.. I can stay in praise, training, teaching, modeling etc as my purpose. It is easier to train for good character than to punish/encourage change for lack of good character. Trust is the bond... my children trust me to respond calmly and justly in their best interest... to keep the rules and structure in our home so it is a safe place. I trust them to keep the morals, values, principles we have set up.. and we all have more freedom as a result. Issues are handled quickly and we move on. Calm, peace, unity is the result. It starts in our home with the beginning of freedom.. as soon as a baby can choose to move away etc.... we begin to teach boundaries... staying on a blanket... starting with a blanket laid flat and a baby picked up and moved back to its center, then the blanket folded and the process repeated... until the baby can be moved to the park, church, sidelines of a soccer game and will stay on the blanket happily... and it continues with our 14 year old who can be out with friends till 10pm with boundaries in place... we know where you are and who you are with and if you come home late curfew becomes a half hour earlier until you are home on time every time for 6 months. It isn't a fight, discussion etc.. it has already been agreed upon. If a task isn't completed... I don't yell etc... I say how can I help you... did you forget.. were you lazy... do you not know how to do it... and we fix the problem... feed the dog before you come to the table.. if you come to the table and your plate and cup are missing that will be a reminder to you that the dog needs food and water and you can get up feed them and then get your plate and cup and join us for dinner. We want to raise self-disciplined, strong, mature, self governing adults.

Family Government

     We teach self government first and then we teach family government. Our little blessings have folly in their heart and so even while self government is key they will still bicker.. act selfishly.. prefer themselves to others.. and so that is when the next form of government takes over. Family government.. we need a home that has rules.. consequences... rights.. privileges. . leaders... standards.. goals and a vision.. Parents need to provide these things. Food, shelter, clothing, unconditional love, a nice bed and time, materials and supplies for learning are basics. We need to strive beyond that teaching character.. not yelling and punishing but training and consistent with consequences. We need to study our children.. Does your daughter need yarn? Paints? A book on sewing? Does your son need a whittling set and some soap? What are their interests? Stop telling them to get away from the TV and video games and give them something to do.. offer them a walk on Saturday morning with you.. provide a musical instrument etc. Give them security in working to help do projects and cook, etc. We are to mentor these eternal souls... to guide them. In our family by the age of three you are clearly aware of personal property and community property.. we encourage disputes to be settled by the participants before it is brought to us.. our children are fbff first best friends forever.. they know what is expected a schedule is posted.. everyone has a chore chart.. there is a family meeting every morning, there is a planning meeting ever Sunday evening, there is a parent child meeting once a week.. we talk about our standards in our family we don't listen to music with curse words... we don't wear skirts that short.. we don't yell etc.. When we are outside our home and a child falls into a crowd I have said come here you are a Martin.. we don't do that. Does all of this mean no fun? Nope we read at least an hour a day.. we take trips.. we have tea in the afternoon. . We have a candlelight dinner on Sundays.. Movie night.. x-box night.. foosball tournaments.. go out for dinner on Tuesday. . Go out for desserts.. bake.. dance.. sing at the top of our lungs.. listen to audio books in the car.. etc. We can enjoy more things because we have taught self government and have a strong family government.. justice is important, issues are settled quickly and we move on. Your family has a government... how is it being run? The loudest voice.. the most persistent nagger.. a try at temporary set up till anarchy takes over.. Home needs to be safe.. engaging.. comfortable... encouraging.. The government set up in your home allows time to reach beyond settling disputes and struggling with chores.. battling over homework.. fighting for more privileges... If you are caught in those situations.. it is NOT because your children are Burdens.. It is a lack of parents setting up a family government and fulfilling their duties. This is back to self government for parents.. we must continually learn, grow and practice self discipline. This allows our children to do so too. When that is done the children will follow suit. Your home will change.