Homemaking 4 His Glory

Self Government

Self government... I was taught this was the first form of government.... we train our children in that thought... we can control you but prefer not to... our task is to teach you to control yourself and it begins at 6-11 months. We train them to stay on the blanket.. to stop crying.. to sit on our laps without scooching down, to not fuss when we pick them up when they are doing something else.. to touch things with one finger. This is not because we are the best parents ever but because those skills allow the whole family freedom... we can take these little ones anywhere. Teaching self government is a continuous task that at every stage allows for freedom. Our society seems to have lost this concept... and it seems is willing to sacrifice the freedom it offers

 

“Self-government is being able to determine the cause and effect in any given situation, and possessing a knowledge of your own behaviors so that you can control them.” (Parenting --A House United by Nicholeen Peck)

     The most basic skills I teach and model are called “The Four Basic Skills.”  They teach children how to follow instructions, accept no answers and criticism, accept consequences, and disagree appropriately. So in action... my husband and I model the behavior we expect (to the best of our ability) I can't go around getting upset... yelling, slamming doors etc if I don't want my children to. We train children for every task and skill and then give the task or skill to them as their responsibility..... knowing it is still our responsibility to see that the habit of the child completing it is ours... so consequences are set up. Consequences are to be accepted... they are agreed to before there is ever an issue.... If... Then... We have an appeal system in place so there is no need to talk back etc.. a child may disagree appropriately or share additional information they think will influence our decision without having to whine or yell. We are each held to morals, values and beliefs in our home, these are established by the Bible. We all have a choice how we will respond... we all know there are consequences. We want to have a strong relationship with God... we want to build strong family ties so... do we yell.. take a deep breathe and answer calmly.... As long as one can govern themselves.... there is no need for correction or discipline.. I can stay in praise, training, teaching, modeling etc as my purpose. It is easier to train for good character than to punish/encourage change for lack of good character. Trust is the bond... my children trust me to respond calmly and justly in their best interest... to keep the rules and structure in our home so it is a safe place. I trust them to keep the morals, values, principles we have set up.. and we all have more freedom as a result. Issues are handled quickly and we move on. Calm, peace, unity is the result. It starts in our home with the beginning of freedom.. as soon as a baby can choose to move away etc.... we begin to teach boundaries... staying on a blanket... starting with a blanket laid flat and a baby picked up and moved back to its center, then the blanket folded and the process repeated... until the baby can be moved to the park, church, sidelines of a soccer game and will stay on the blanket happily... and it continues with our 14 year old who can be out with friends till 10pm with boundaries in place... we know where you are and who you are with and if you come home late curfew becomes a half hour earlier until you are home on time every time for 6 months. It isn't a fight, discussion etc.. it has already been agreed upon. If a task isn't completed... I don't yell etc... I say how can I help you... did you forget.. were you lazy... do you not know how to do it... and we fix the problem... feed the dog before you come to the table.. if you come to the table and your plate and cup are missing that will be a reminder to you that the dog needs food and water and you can get up feed them and then get your plate and cup and join us for dinner. We want to raise self-disciplined, strong, mature, self governing adults.

Family Government

     We teach self government first and then we teach family government. Our little blessings have folly in their heart and so even while self government is key they will still bicker.. act selfishly.. prefer themselves to others.. and so that is when the next form of government takes over. Family government.. we need a home that has rules.. consequences... rights.. privileges. . leaders... standards.. goals and a vision.. Parents need to provide these things. Food, shelter, clothing, unconditional love, a nice bed and time, materials and supplies for learning are basics. We need to strive beyond that teaching character.. not yelling and punishing but training and consistent with consequences. We need to study our children.. Does your daughter need yarn? Paints? A book on sewing? Does your son need a whittling set and some soap? What are their interests? Stop telling them to get away from the TV and video games and give them something to do.. offer them a walk on Saturday morning with you.. provide a musical instrument etc. Give them security in working to help do projects and cook, etc. We are to mentor these eternal souls... to guide them. In our family by the age of three you are clearly aware of personal property and community property.. we encourage disputes to be settled by the participants before it is brought to us.. our children are fbff first best friends forever.. they know what is expected a schedule is posted.. everyone has a chore chart.. there is a family meeting every morning, there is a planning meeting ever Sunday evening, there is a parent child meeting once a week.. we talk about our standards in our family we don't listen to music with curse words... we don't wear skirts that short.. we don't yell etc.. When we are outside our home and a child falls into a crowd I have said come here you are a Martin.. we don't do that. Does all of this mean no fun? Nope we read at least an hour a day.. we take trips.. we have tea in the afternoon. . We have a candlelight dinner on Sundays.. Movie night.. x-box night.. foosball tournaments.. go out for dinner on Tuesday. . Go out for desserts.. bake.. dance.. sing at the top of our lungs.. listen to audio books in the car.. etc. We can enjoy more things because we have taught self government and have a strong family government.. justice is important, issues are settled quickly and we move on. Your family has a government... how is it being run? The loudest voice.. the most persistent nagger.. a try at temporary set up till anarchy takes over.. Home needs to be safe.. engaging.. comfortable... encouraging.. The government set up in your home allows time to reach beyond settling disputes and struggling with chores.. battling over homework.. fighting for more privileges... If you are caught in those situations.. it is NOT because your children are Burdens.. It is a lack of parents setting up a family government and fulfilling their duties. This is back to self government for parents.. we must continually learn, grow and practice self discipline. This allows our children to do so too. When that is done the children will follow suit. Your home will change.

Practice Makes Perfect

     Practice makes perfect ~ since about 1560 or so this has been an accepted saying.  We also accept it in practice.  When we want our children to do well at sports or dance we tell them they need to practice.  We schedule their practices.  We cancel other things to make time for them to practices.  We even pay for them to practice.  Sometimes, we pay more for them to practice with certain coaches or trainers.  Practice makes perfect.. we do something over and over again so that we become better at it.

     This is one of the reasons we sit with our children in church.  We know that worship is one of the things we will do in heaven for eternity.  We want them to do it well.  To worship in spirit and truth.  We sit near the front of the church so we can pay attention.  We pay attention to the children.  We pay attention to the sermon.  We teach the children to pay attention to the sermon.  No, they do not always sit still and quiet.  They don't always behave the way I want them to behave.  However, we are practicing worship.  We will be perfect at it in heaven.

    On this side of eternity, we want them to learn to be still and know.  We want them to enter His gates with thanksgiving and enter His courts with praise.  We want them to choose the one needful thing and sit at the feet of Jesus.  We want them to pay attention to God's word.  We want them to participate as a member of the body of Christ.  We want to teach them to worship by our example.  Church is a foundation of our family.  We go to church.. every Sunday.  We want our children to know that it is important.  We talk about the sermon.  We want them to process and apply the word of God.  We read the Bible.  We want them to read the Bible.  We pray.  We want them to pray.  Practice.. so they know how.  Example so they see it modeled.

    We "know" these principles on the sports field or in the dance studio.  We leave behind these principles in the church pew.  Why?  Because we need to worship.  We need to pay attention.  Well, I submit that God has blessed me with children and one of the most important things I can teach them... is to worship.  Their worship is important to God, too.  Childlike faith.. that is the faith we are called to.  Worship with children helps me to experience this type of faith.  To pay attention to my children and train them allows me to pay better attention to worship.  It requires that I pay attention to what worship really means, how it should really be practiced and how our family trains for it.

     Practice requires doing the same thing over and over again.  Practice requires caring every time you do it.  Practice requires attention every time you do it.  Practice requires perseverance.  So we weekly bring our children to a church pew, bow our heads, close our eyes, read scripture, pray, listen, praise, look inward, examine our hearts, fellowship and encourage our children to do the same.  We bring them to practice our Christian disciplines.  We practice worship in our homes.  We want to worship our God who is worthy of our worship.  We want our children to know, love and worship our God.  We want to disciple them in their relationships with the Lord.  So, we sit with them in pews and we practice.

What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

   Philippians 4:9

Our Favorite Children's Bible

     We love the Bible and read the King James Version mostly in our home.  However, our children love to hear Bible Stories even before they are old enough to understand, read or hear them from the Bible.  So, we searched for a story Bible to read to them.

     As it turns out another mother many years ago did the same thing.  She searched bookstores to find a Children's Bible she thought would teach her children and endear their hearts to the Bible.  She couldn't find one.  So, she decided to write one.  Her name was Catherine Vos.  Her husband was first professor of Biblical Theology at Princeton Theological Seminary, Geerhardus Vos .

     This version appeals to us because it is told in a narrative format.  Almost as if your grandma was sharing the stories with her grandchildren.  It is based on the King James Version.  It was first published in 1935 in a three volume set.  I own it in the one volume set that was published later.  It contains 110 stories from the Old Testament and 92 from the New Testaments.

     Mrs. Vos weaves the story of redemption throughout the stories she tells.  She doesn't water it down.  She uses Child friendly language and you can hear the King James version underlying the text.  She does give some of her own interpretations, reminders of previous lessons and tell the story in summary, so be aware and tell your child if there is something you teach differently in your home. 

     I have found copies in used bookstores and at library sales.. so keep your eyes open.. I will add some pictures of the covers I know of so you can keep an eye out for it.  Oh speaking of pictures.. the Story Bible doesn't have many pictures.  It doesn't really need them.  The stories capture the children's attention without the need for a picture on every page.   

     We use this book from the age of 4.  Usually switching to the KJV at the ago of 6.  This classic children's Bible remains our favorite.  Enjoy the family time, discussion and foundation of God's word as you read these stories. 

    






      Ruth Bell Graham is another mother who used this Bible.  She said of Vos' Story Bible, "I have used The Child's Story Bible for years . . . and can recommend it enthusiastically."

    

Stressing or Blessing?

     I was walking into a store this week with 5 of my children and a woman was walking out with 3 of hers and as I held the door open for her she said God bless you, going in there with all those children~ I am ready to hang mine ~
I wanted to answer I am blessed that is why I have all these children to go in there with...
But I was a bit stunned and she was on the move.
      I have prayed for her and those children daily. Sometimes when we are in a crunch.. trying to g...et out the door last minute or push one more hour on the road... situations that are not normal and are asking a bit more of my children than they may be able to do reasonably.. I will remind them to be a blessing not a stressing. Because what happens in these already stressful times can change the dynamic from us being a team getting through it to us all turning our stress on each other.. or the youngest, slowest, most affected etc.
      When parents are always in a continual state of stress over their children in breaks my heart. We are hurting and we hurt our children. We don't know how so we blame our children. We don't have support so we expect our children to be our support.. etc etc etc. I love my children. And when they stress me.. I always find it is me.. I didn't train them. I didn't manage them well in that situation. I didn't take on my responsibility in that situation.
      My children were immediately like we are glad we are going in the store with you. And I thought those poor children most likely wished they were anywhere else but leaving that store with a mother who would publicly declare she wanted to hang them.
      Giving our children blessings with our mouths, encouragement, approval, love is our job. Publicly it may be even more important that they know when we speak of them specifically to strangers that we are supporting their lives, their beings, their souls and their hearts. I have often thought when people comment negatively on the size of my family that my children have ears. They hear those comments. They hear my answers.
      So, I don't know this woman.. maybe she was having a bad day. I don't know those children.. maybe they were having a bad day. I do know that shopping can be one of the hardest things to do with children. I do know that this mother was trying. So I will pray. Maybe I will cross paths with her again some day. If not at least I can support her and her family in prayer.

Shopping with Children

Shopping with children can be stressful. So we have rules.. and they are reminded of them every time they go in a store.
1. It is your job to stay near me. You need to watch me. I am here to gather groceries, clothes, household needs.
2. One finger touch.. we teach one finger touch as soon as children reach out for things... 10-12 months I'd guess.. Baby Jason is 15 months and has been doing it for awhile now it seems and at least the last 4-6 weeks nearly consistently.
3. If you ask the answer is no. I will offer if I want to buy you something.
Unspoken rules that are just family rules that apply to shopping
4. If you have your own money you can spend it as you please.
5. Under the age of 6 you hold hands with an adult (someone 13 or up) in the parking lot
6. You quickly obey at all times, but especially in public where I am sense or see something before you do.
7. Older kids always keep an eye on younger ones.. I am distracted by the task at hand.
When there are issues and I get stressed.. we do a practice run with Jason at another time.. so he can watch for behavior. We have left a store once (I returned the child to my house and came back to buy the food I had left at customer service) And twice we have done training because it seemed our children needed some reminding of the rules. "Training classes" have been done more for getting in and out of vehicles that for anything else... can you imagine.. anytime we change seats, or sometimes because the season changes we have to train for getting that back row in and out and then the middle row and getting little children in and out and who is responsible to help)
I try not to go to more than 3-5 stores in a row.. if I do we stop for a snack in between. I always tell them the itinerary for shopping day so they have an idea of where we are going. We may stop at swings or run in a field for 5 minutes or so if I know we are going to have a long day. We normally only go shopping 65 or so times a year. I don't like to shop. Having children help with looking for sales tags (Jillian will say is this the store with yellow clearance tags..etc so I know they are watching) or help look for the next item.. cut coupons.. or even bring coupons they have found for snack items helps them to be involved. I do ask if they need anything while we are out. When I tell then the plan they may say oh mom I wanted to get marbles for a project we will be near the dollar store can we stop there.. a young adult may say I wanted to stop at Old Navy they have a sale on t-shirts this week.. and I may add their stops to the list.. or offer them another time that is better for the family schedule.
We are a testimony. Out in public we are definitely a testimony. People comment all the time.. how I talk to my children, how my children obey, how helpful they are, what good siblings to each other they are, etc etc. They also assume certain things.. we are of some religion.. we don't use birth control.. etc etc.. so it is important that we are well behaved and open to conversations. Have an answer ready and able to actually effectively get the task done.

The High Calling of Motherhood

     I just finished reading a book that was page after page of encouragement.  I have never met the author but I am sure we would have such a wonderful time of fellowship if we met face to face.  So many words that I read were similar to thoughts I have had, words I have said and were healing salve for some pains I have felt.  Yeah I know.. it was a book.  And I didn't meet the author..  Chimene Shipley Dupler but I feel like I have and that we have walked on many of the same paths on the journey of Motherhood. 

     So I am going to start at the end of the book

                                                            

 yes... that is the end.  So what is the beginning.. you know it.. you are living it.. the fear, the anxiety, the questioning, the wondering, the confusion of so many different views of motherhood.  Motherhood has a different place in our society that it ever has before.  The word "justa" often come before mom... Imagine.. Just a mom.  Just the giver of life.  Just a soul shaper.  Just one given responsibility for a precious soul by God himself.  Just a teacher, trainer, nurse, chauffeur, chef, accountant, housekeeper,  etc is never what people say.. but the woman who does all this and more is just a mom.  So you know the beginning.

     Here is the exciting part~

                                                        
    

     Did you read those words... opportunity, impact. handprint, generations?  How exciting is that?!  We see similar words in many professions.. hear them in motivational speeches.. but we don't always hear them when we are speaking about snotty noses, diapers, getting children to bed and many other required tasks of motherhood.  Yet, these are all opportunities and this book reminds mothers that these are all part of the high calling of motherhood.

     Now you may be thinking I have read similar books before.. I know this is a calling... sure great I am a mom.. that's awesome but I still feel challenged... maybe lonely...  taken for granted.. and so on.  The High Calling of Motherhood takes this all one step farther.  It isn't just about us and our children about the boundaries of our property... this goes beyond...

                                                             

     Go ye therefore.. this is how we reach the world around us.  Now.. today.. in the next generation.. perhaps if we are purposeful and intentional enough how we reach beyond for many generations.    I was convinced of many of the thoughts of this book before I read it.. but it was so encouraging that there is a sister in Christ to which God is revealing the same message and that she is willing to minister to mothers.  This book is a part of her heart.. her calling.. her ministry to mothers, their children and their churches. 

     Food for thought... growth.. inspiration.. motivation.. all in the pages of a book.  The High Calling of Motherhood may help you to see your life as a mother your journey on the paths of motherhood completely differently.  It may reveal some scripture to your heart and allow you to apply it to your life in a whole new way.  It may convince you of messages God has revealed to you.  It may encourage you to reach out and support other women in your life.  

     You are a difference maker.  You are a world changer.  You are a mom.   Yes that is the ending.. if you choose to be.  If  you allow God to use you to be such.  Walk these paths as you read these pages.. pray over the calling .. the high calling of motherhood.

     This feat for a mother's heart and mind is available for pre-order from the following websites.

 Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Calling-Motherhood-Chimene-Shipley-Dupler/dp/1620205823

Barnes and Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-high-calling-of-motherhood-chimene-shipley-dupler/1125819957

Ambassador's online retail store: https://squareup.com/store/ambassador-international/item/the-high-calling-of-motherhood {use code “HighCalling” entered at time of purchase for a 10% pre-order discount}

     But wait there is more ~ 

There is a giveaway.. Follow the link below. The winner will get to choose between a custom made “World Changer” necklace by The Giving Keys {that is being unveiled at the Passion4Moms conference} or two tickets to attend the Passion4Moms conference being held in DC, May 5-6, 2017.

https://gleam.io/iAlu8/the-high-of-calling-of-motherhood-blog-tour-giveaway

 

    And if you want to find follow the author or social media here are some links to connect with Chimene

www.facebook.com/passion4moms 

www.facebook.com/chimeneshipleydupler

www.twitter.com/chimenedupler

www.instagram.com/passion4moms

www.instagram.com/chimeneshipleydupler